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How to Break Up with Your Former Self

How to Break Up with Your Former Self

December 18, 2014

No matter how much you try to get by, your former self may still grate at you. Hate at you. And then your secrets will fuse with a few obscenities to cascade through the landscape of your life. You want to stay true to yourself at your core. But not staytoo true to who you were. So, how do you break up with your former self, while living your present Truth?

Here are some tips:

1. Fall in love with your former self first.

I used to swing a samurai sword at my former self. I’d go all Wu-Tang, throwing some Biggie on the walls. And using ninja-like moves on myself to prove a point. It was unconscious self-hate.


I was getting in my own way.

Today, it’s a hell of a lot less Wu-Tang. And whole lot more woo-woo {click to tweet!}

This goes against everything we’ve been taught. We’re taught to use force to get what we want. We’re programmed to always try to “do more.” We’re designed to never feel satisfied with who we are. I fell victim to this trap. I would do more, more, more for the sake of it – with no real clarity for why I was “so busy.” And “so stressed.”

In my former life when I had a “jay-oh-bee,” it was easy to do. But the burnt out vibe doesn’t suit me any more.”Too busy” zaps the pizzaz from your soul. I’m “busy enough” but never “too busy” to do the things that I love. The focus is more on persistence with intent. Letting go and opening up.

We’re evolving into a new consciousness in humanity. So instead of hating on yourself (which is so easy to do), be more gentle. Simply love where you’re at. Learn how to fall in love with yourself now. Do less. Be more. So that you can fall even harder in love with yourself in 2015.

When you fall in love with the evolution of you, you can meet yourself halfway. This will help you to…

2. Do less proving. More knowing.

When you know you’re awesome, you don’t need to prove it to anyone other than yourself.

I learned this by running a marathon. You see, I’ve always been a runner. But I felt the need to prove to myself that I’m not just an average runner…I’m a freakin’ athlete.


So I trained for 26.2 miles of running in all types of weather: The rain. 100 degree heat. I ran in all types of physical and mental conditions: In pain. With no sleep. And on a cold October day in the nation’s capital, I crossed the Marine Corps Marathon finish line. In that moment, I caught a glimpse of my deeper Truth.

I looked at myself and said “what the f*ck. This is it?!”

I was expecting Sylvester Stallone to show up and serenade me with the Rocky theme.

Instead I got a t-shirt. And some funnel cake.

Sure, I ran for me. But I was attached to the outcome of how I would feel at the end of the race. It wasn’t until I crossed the finish line that I learned that I was trying to prove something to myself.

I did feel a small sense of accomplishment. But it was short-lived. In retrospect, I realized that I ran 26.2 miles from a place of lack. I was subconsciously telling myself I wasn’t “good enough” by being a runner. I became a marathoner to make myself feel “real.”

It’s the same thing with relationships and business.

I crave honesty and transparency. So from that moment on, I decided to do things only when I don’t have to prove anything. For everything I do today, I ask myself if I’m doing it because society is dictating my to do’s. Or if it’s aligned with the “f*ck yes!” of my Soul.

Here’s the difference: Proving something to society makes you feel small (because you’re judging yourself against the standards of others). Knowing something in your Soul makes you feel savvy (because you’re refining how you feel in your heart). When you know things in your Soul, you authentically connect to your being. You activate new ideas. And you start to commit to exploring your openness and vulnerability.

Those that you connect with will feel you. This connection comes from a place of authenticity. This is Truth.

When you start surrendering into what your Soul needs to express itself, you start enjoying the process of transformation (even if you don’t know how things will pan out). Everything then becomes a vehicle for expansion – so that you can become a more fully awake human. So that you can more fully enjoy the ecstasy of being alive.


golden sunset reflecting off the water. captured by moi.

3. Showcase your shadows

Your Shadow self is the parts of yourself that are kept hidden in the dark and out of awareness. The Shadow includes things about yourself that you don’t know that you don’t know. It’s thoughts that sit in your subconscious.

Our egos will try to fight this concept because it’s uncomfortable. Our egos want to think that we “know everything.” But that’s impossible. It’s a paradox. And it’s not until we let go of our certainty about ourselves that we can embrace who we truly are – and in turn, embrace everything that comes with it.

My Shadow-self appears when I don’t write about what I’m learning. When I download lots of new information and then don’t offer it back into the world, the knowledge sits in circles in my head. This does not serve my higher Self – or the greater good of humanity.

When you get in touch with your Shadow, it’s like cracking the DaVinci code to yourself. Your Shadow dictates what’s holding you back. And when you learn how to unleash this trapped energy (that exists in us all), you can step into your deepest power. So that you can shine a light onto your highest Truth.


But here’s the thing: the word “shadow” doesn’t need to be gloomy. Sure, it’s not always fun to examine these parts of ourselves. But you don’t need to get too dark when you go down the rabbit hole. Understanding your shadow is all about appreciating every part of yourself – the light along with the dark. The yin with the yang. The masculine and the feminine.

Embracing your Shadow-self requires vulnerability. But the good news is that being vulnerable doesn’t mean you’re being weak.

It means that you’re exploring all of the parts of yourself so that you can grow into the person you were meant to become. It means reprograming the way that you look at things. So that you can cultivate more consciousness. And see more clearly into your future.

If you’re seeking some laser-sharp insights to guide you into the new year, book a free 20-minute mentoring session with me here.

If you don’t know where to start with your relationship with yourself or your business, email me here: jessica at jessica ann media dot com